Whack state of mind

I'm just going to go ahead and put this out there:

I have crazy on the brain.

It seems like either mothers are dropping their children on their heads at an exponentially higher rate every year, or global warming isn't just affecting the polar bears anymore.

I mean it's affecting humans. If you didn't catch my drift.

Here's what I mean: The ratio of normal to abnormal humans appears to be becoming alarmingly close. Like, being "normal" is no longer "the norm." Yadadada?

But the real loopy ones are the ones you have to beware of-- they have a few too many bats in the belfry, if you know what I mean.

And in this whack state of mind, I feel behooved to make a list of the top 5. It goes like this:

1. Muammar Gaddafi

This man is 100%, internationally, certifiably, insane in the membrane. So insane that Barbara Walters once asked him in an interview "are you insane?" What kind of person massacres his own people? You can't get much crazier than him, even if you tried... and even if you found out who is dealer is.

2. Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson once said, "I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me. I want your heart. I want to eat your children."

He also has a strange obsession with pigeons. I guess a few too many hits to the head can do that to you.

3. My old next door neighbor [not pictured]

We'll just call him Johnny, lest he finds out I've been blogging about him. Anyways, the important thing to know about Johnny is that he was the unibomber of Fremont. Back in the good old days when I lived in Newark, this guy tried to blow up some city hall member's house. He also tried to get us to stash his "goods." Not the most mentally stable patient in the insane asylum, so to speak. And he could be living in the house next to you right now...

jk don't worry I think he's in jail. Pretty sure.

4. Lady Gaga

I mean, I guess she's harmless. But then again, she has this whole, like, cultish following who imitates her and calls her "Mama Monster." So maybe not so harmless? Also, there are children starving in Africa who could have made a full meal of that meat suit. Sooooo she's going down on my list as a crazy person who also needlessly wastes food.

5. Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Ughh I hate this woman so much. She jumped on the Haters of Islam wagon to make some money/fame but then promptly fell off after people found out that she was lying about everything. Someone should have told her that too much haterade doesn't keep you hydrated, it gets you shamed and on this list of deranged dudes.

So those are just the 5 people that came to the top of my head. But believe you me, there are plenty more out there. Some might mark themselves by clipping tails to their pants, and some might disguise themselves as "normies" but are secretly closet crazies. The best way to know if someone is a closet crazy is to do something really weird and see how they react. They will most likely pretend that they're really weirded out so they don't blow their cover. The bigger the reaction, the weirder/crazier they secretly are.

Try it. But I am not liable for any complications that may result from this social experiment. Gadaffi is.

Down with Gadaffi!