Unrequited dreams

Ideally, I'd be on an airplane right now headed towards camel country and the sweet scent of Rehab City. However, due to extenuating circumstances (ie. some drops of snow) my flight has been cancelled (they sent my dad a text). What a joke.

So after a few hours of denial and a few hours of napping, I got bored (maybe a little nostalgic) and decided to go through the oldest emails in my inbox. I have to say, there was some pretty hilarious blog material in those emails, particularly in the form of some family vacay pictures back in 2005...but when my sister saw the pictures she threatened to sue if they ever got out. The conversation went like this:

me: "Hahahahahahahahahahaha. You look great."

Sarah: "If you put that picture on your blog I will literally have you sued."

Weary of a possible civil class action lawsuit, I passed on that opportunity.

A few pages later, I happened upon an email from Guinness World Records in 2006, reminding me that they have not received my agreement regarding record attempts:

OH YEAAAA. I totally forgot about that. It used to be my dream to break a Guinness World Record. I believe I was going for "longest paper clip chain built in 24 hours." The record back then was held by some middle school in Washington state. I can't quite remember what happened, and why that dream never came to fruition...but it got me thinking about all of the dreams that I've left to die over the years. There was that dream of inventing the world's first air conditioned robe. And then there was that dream of learning how to unicycle. And that's just me... Who knows how many dreams have been left floating aimlessly all over the world, waiting to be turned into "I seen it with my own eyes" realities!

In honor of those unrequited dreams, I promise you a promise: If I don't get accepted into graduate school, I will take it as a sign to rekindle this dream. WE WILL BUILD THE LONGEST PAPER CLIP CHAIN IN 24 HOURS.

Now, who's with me?

Great news.

This just in, from CNBC:

Despite Shark Attacks, Egypt Tourism Will Grow: Minister

Egypt is on track to meet its tourism growth targets despite a scare following a rare series of shark attacks that affected bookings, the country’s Minister of Tourism, Zoheir Garranah, told CNBC.

Half of the beaches at the popular Red Sea resort of Sharm El-Sheikh are now open again after shark attacks that killed one and injured four had alarmed even the scientific community.

I'm very happy for the motherland and all, but is this really a smart move? The last thing we need is to be accused of Aquatic Terrorism. And personally, any nice feelings I ever had towards sharks were erased after watching people being torn limb from limb on Shark Week. But regardless of my own fears of Jaws and his many toothed cousins, did the Minister not learn anything from Finding Nemo? There are some important educational messages in there about what happens when you underestimate a shark.

Remember Bruce? The Australian shark with good intentions?

He tried and tried to believe that fish are friends, not food. Dory and Nemo were convinced that he was a changed man. And I think you know how that turned out.

Perthpective

So you've just found out that you lost your job. Or that your car was stolen. Or that your sister has secretly been using your tooth brush for the cat. Or, after 22 years of life, you just found out that you have a selective lisp.

Yea, I thought so. But you're not just mad.

And possibly sad. Probably not glad. But perthpective (also known as The Big Picture) is an amazing thing. It assures you that no matter how bad your life gets, it could always be worse. And, as cold hearted as this sounds, there will always be someone whose life sucks more.

For instance, you could have really bad teeth, like that guy who played that guy in the movie that no one cares about anymore (or the British, or Hilary Duff):

Or, you could be diagnosed with Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks (yes, it exists)- or some other highly dangerous phobia that would keep you from living a normal life.

Or, you could be the person who posted this on fmylife.com on October 13, 2008:

"Today, I woke up, switched on the TV, and the first thing I saw is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me.I am now afraid to leave my house. FML"

Or, you could have your entire body engulfed in facial hair:

Or, your name could be Debra Jackson:

Or, you could be Kathy Griffin. That woman gives me the heeby jeebies.

But you are none of those things! (unless you are, for which I am truly sorry) So rejoice. Go forth and frolic in rainbow covered meadows. Be happy and thank God that you are not Kathy Griffin.

My spreading of good cheer quota is now filled for the day. Thank you to all, and to all a good night.

[meme cred: annie tran]

Wise quotes for the ages

My parents are very wise people. Ask anyone, and they will tell you that they are full of insightful and inspirational quotes pertaining to just about every area of life. One of my father's most infamous quotes came right before my younger sister left for college*:

"Sarah, listen to me. If you do drugs, you do alcohol. If you do alcohol, you do sex. Then you die."

Today, he used a similar format to describe the evils of texting (my sister did 35 pages worth of texting last month, and he's not too happy about this):

"Sarah, listen to me. You get addicted to texting, then you get addicted to drugs. You get addicted to drugs, then you get addicted to alcohol."

I assume this scenario can be applied to any situation at any given time. Go ahead, give it a try! You might be surprised with how much it improves your life.

And that, my friends, it what it feels like to be enlightened. You're welcome.

*Note: all quotes to be read in heavy egyptian accent.

Lean on me

What do girdles, head gear, and Microsoft online solution centers have in common?
If you are thinking that they are all painful institutions created to inflict torture, you would be partially correct. But I'm talking about Support.
For reasons unbeknownst to me, I am training for a 5k coming up at the end of January in the gnarly city of Santa Cruz. Just another hodad on the boardwalk. But seeing as it is my first physical endeavor of the sort, I turned to my pal Annie, a seasoned athlete, for support.
The conversation went like this:

me: i heard earl grey has a nice taste

btw

9:21 AM im training for a marathon!

annita: are you?

me: on jan 29

annita: wait

the marathon is ON jan 29th?

how long have you been training

me: a day

2 days

scratch that

its been 3 days

annita: you're lying arent you

9:22 AM me: nope

its the truth

annita: i'm very proud shereen!

but a month isn't alot of training

9:23 AM me: lol i know

its not a big one

only like 5k i think

9:24 AM annita: wait

that's not a marathon shereen....

9:25 AM me: are we splitting hairs now

ok im taking a walk around my neighborhood

but im calling it a marathon

9:26 AM annita: cool i'm going to partake in the kentucky derby

but instead of a horse it's my legs

and instead of a track, it's around the mall

me: awesome

9:27 AM let me know how seabiscuit is doing

and by seabiscuit i mean the mall security guard

Now, she's no Bill Withers, but I've learned that every friend is supportive in their own way. Some friends pat you on the back, others make you pie (none of my friends make me pie, but I assume they exist), and still others make sarcastic metaphors to show their support and keep you grounded. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Here's to friends! And to all of your other loyal supporters.

other kinds of support: Financial Support

OCD (əb-sěs'ĭv-kəm-pŭl'sĭv dis-awr-der)

function: noun

definition: when you leave your room, and your mom sneaks in to make sure that your toothpaste is moved all the way up inside the tube.

example:

p.s. love you mom!

The Fro Down: Best afros of all time

If you know me, you probably know that I have a deep-seated obsession with afros. Call me a fronatic, but there is something about a full, fluffy head of hair that drives me wild. Here are 16 of my Favorite Fros of All Time (F.F.A.T):

1. Erykah Badu

Oh baby. It's easy to see why this multifarious mass of hair ranks at the top of the list.

2. Michael Jackson

He could sing, he could dance, and boy he sure could rock a fro.

3. Oprah Winfrey

Call it a marketing scheme, but Oprah's perfectly coiffed 'do created that superb "O" shape that so many have tried and failed to achieve.

4. Snoop Dogg

Hate the man. Love the fro.

5. Alicia Keys

Seperated into 2 symmetrical mini fros, Alicia's approach to the afro genre is both interesting and refreshing.

6. El Presidente

Obama turned heads even back in the day with his hunky head of hair. A sure indicator of greatness to come!

7. Luda

It had me going crazy, oh I was star-struck. It woke me up daily, don't need no Starbucks.

8. Bob Ross

A work of art, this Jew Fro was a masterpiece all on its own.

9. Marge Simpson

Vibrantly colored and gravity-defying, Marge's afro is Large and In Charge.

10. Beyonce

Well balanced two-toned fros are difficult to achieve, but this caramel/chocolate combo is so delicious it makes me crave a Snickers bar.

11. My cousin Abdo

Baby fro! Since this picture was taken 18 years ago, I am happy to say that my cuzzo's curls have indeed reached their full potential.

12. Jaden Smith (son of Will Smith)

That lucky, lucky son of a gun. Basically, his life is awesome and his hair is no exception.

13. Lenny Kravitz

What I really enjoy about this one are the textured shape and subtle blonde highlights. Makes me want to Fly Away into that beautiful nest of tresses.

14. Corbin Bleu

This magnificent mane needs a musical all on its own.

15. Khleo Thomas

Making its first all-star debut in the movie "Holes", Khleo's afro has continued to appear in various Disney Channel original movies, and has even started a career in rapping. Swaggerific.

16. Barbra Streisand

For a white girl, that haint too shabby. Yea baaaaahbra.

For tips on how to have an afro of your very own, visit: http://www.ehow.com/how_2057924_grow-afro.html

Happy growing!

Important lessons from How I Met Your Mother

It's one of those shows where you can leave your child in front of the TV to watch it, and it replaces the need for any actual parenting. (See also "Dora the Explorer")

Note to self: Things to do before I die

I'm pretty sure this is a staple of every blog, so let me just get it out of the way real quick:

1. Learn to play the accordion.

2. Get a pet rabbit.

In other news, anyone know the difference between taro root and arrow root? According to my friendly neighborhood produce guy, the arrow root does not exist. FALSE. I just found it on wikipedia.

Turns out I made my low fat penne pasta with this

when I should have used this

But I won't hold it against him, as he is very busy trying to learn 13 languages and doesn't have time for such details. Speaking of which, I am way behind on my French lessons and should probably go parlez vous some francais right about now.

In the words of Drake,

"I shouldn’t have drove, tell me how I’m getting home

I can teach you how to speak my language Rosetta stone"

Au revoir!

What happens when you mess with gravity

I love to travel.

Oooh wow shereen. Neva hurd that befo'. Yea you sooo unique n shiet. So inturresting, no one else likes traveling huh foo

...is what you are thinking. I know this, because it is exactly what people think when other people say boring stuff like "I love to travel."

Sure, your inner head voice may have a different speaking style. Mine just happens to sound like a cross between Nicki Minaj and Malibu's Most Wanted. But we all have the same reaction when people feel the need to, for example, announce on their facebook profile that they love to eat and sleep and breathe and watch tv.

Everyone does it. And no. one. cares.

I'm from the 'Bu foo

But for me, traveling is not just about exploring exotic places, or being immersed in different cultures, or updating my facebook with iphoto-enhanced pictures to make all my friends jealous. That's only about 3/4 of the fun.

What's the last 1/4 of it? The other tiny sliver of satisfaction that comes from packing my bag and leaving for a faraway place to revel in unknown beauty (and most likely subject myself to some kind of food-born illness)?

The airplane ride.

I've done the math. And if I've done it correctly (there is a high probability that I have not done it correctly), I have spent around 914 hours of my life on airplanes. That's a big chunka change, if I do say so myself. And over these 914 hours, a lot has happened- some good, some bad, and some whole bunch of crazy. These experiences have led me to form a theory, which I would like to call Airplane Theory; that is, when you mess with gravity like airplanes do (SH)IT GOES BANANAS.

For proof, please see exhibits A and B below. Or, you can skip the exhibits and read the story of The Disgruntled Flight Attendant. That's a story of Airplane Theory in action if I've ever seen it... and it will probably make you feel really good about your life.

Just saying.

Exhibit A: The Time I Almost Lost my Sanity.

Once, while flying Egypt Air with my family and pals Annie and Stephanie, I was eating a sandwich. It wasn't a very good sandwich. Pretty mediocre as far as sandwiches go. But about halfway through, I put the sandwich down on my tray to look at something, and when I turned back... it was gone. Puzzled, I looked around. I looked under my chair, on Annie's tray next to me, everywhere. But it was nowhere to be found.

Keep in mind that although the sandwich was not very good, I was hungry. And plus it was Egypt Air, so for all I knew it could have been my last chance in life to eat a sandwich. Therefore, I was pretty upset when it just disappeared like that. But I didn't dwell on it, and decided to read a book instead. The book was Harry Potter.

The exact moment is fuzzy to me, but somewhere around the page where Harry lost his godfather Sirius Black to his evil relative Bellatrix Lestrange, I got up to use the loo. And I discovered that one of my shoes was missing.

WTH OMG. AM I GOING MAD?!! I thought to myself. But you gotta go when you gotta go, so I went with one shoe. And when I came back MY HARRY POTTER BOOK WAS GONE.

Things continued to disappear from me and my friends... until we finally realized that the kids in front of us were using their small and nimble hands to reach in between their chairs in front of us snatch things out from under our noses. Thankfully, we were able to blockade the cracks between the chairs and spend the rest of the flight in peace.

And that is the time I almost lost my sanity on an airplane.

Egypt Air: All aboard the crazy train

Exhibit B: The Fight in Row 34.

We were nearing the end of our flight. The flight attendants had just passed out our immigration cards, which everyone was quietly filling out. Row 12? no problems there. Row 22? Not a peep. Fast forward to Row 34, where a big boned Nigerian man decides to start filling out his form on my father's head.

My dad turns around and asks politely for him to please use his tray instead. The man ignores him.

"Excuse me, your baber is on my head, and it is bothering me. Blease move it," says my dad.

"I am filling out my form. Move your head" says the man in a thick Nigerian accent.

Chaos ensues. My dad yells for a stewardess, the man yells for a stewardess. One starts pushing, the other starts pushing, and the man starts yelling "Stop booshing me around!" and everyone is staring. Papers and hands are flying. I've never seen such a sight in my life.

You'd think it would end as we began to disembark from the plane. Nope. The fight carries on even after we disembark from the airplane and walk into the airport, where the man tries to get my dad in trouble with airport security: "He was booshing me around, booshing me around!" but thankfully airport security had the sense to stay out of it, and we went our separate ways.

Airplane Theory. You better believe it.

Mundle bread on Eid: Paradoxical or Str8 Delish?

Every year on Eid al-Adha (Muslim holiday of sacrifice), my mom usually bakes some kind of confectionary delight. Sometimes it's cake, sometimes an Arab cookie known as Kahk (more appetizing than it sounds). Or we just hold off on the baking all together and wait to see what my uncle's wife sends over. But this year, Momz decided to go back to her roots. She cooked up a recipe passed down from Grandma Ruth which was passed down to her from Great Grandma Tilly- The Mundle Bread.

Despite its name, Mundle bread is more of a cookie than a bread- in essence, a Jewish Biscotti. It has a dense crunchy texture flavored with lemon zest and chocolate chips. See below. What is particularly interesting about it, is its inherently addictive quality (is it really just the sugar, Mom?) One bite, and you're hooked.

Bundle o' Mundle

I could wax philosophical about how some may view it as ironic that we are partaking in a traditionally Jewish food on our Muslim holiday. Or I could sit back, enjoy my Mundle and seasonal peppermint hot chocolate, and wonder about why my neighbors still haven't taken down their Halloween decorations yet. Yes, I think I'll do that.