Unrequited dreams

Ideally, I'd be on an airplane right now headed towards camel country and the sweet scent of Rehab City. However, due to extenuating circumstances (ie. some drops of snow) my flight has been cancelled (they sent my dad a text). What a joke.

So after a few hours of denial and a few hours of napping, I got bored (maybe a little nostalgic) and decided to go through the oldest emails in my inbox. I have to say, there was some pretty hilarious blog material in those emails, particularly in the form of some family vacay pictures back in 2005...but when my sister saw the pictures she threatened to sue if they ever got out. The conversation went like this:

me: "Hahahahahahahahahahaha. You look great."

Sarah: "If you put that picture on your blog I will literally have you sued."

Weary of a possible civil class action lawsuit, I passed on that opportunity.

A few pages later, I happened upon an email from Guinness World Records in 2006, reminding me that they have not received my agreement regarding record attempts:

OH YEAAAA. I totally forgot about that. It used to be my dream to break a Guinness World Record. I believe I was going for "longest paper clip chain built in 24 hours." The record back then was held by some middle school in Washington state. I can't quite remember what happened, and why that dream never came to fruition...but it got me thinking about all of the dreams that I've left to die over the years. There was that dream of inventing the world's first air conditioned robe. And then there was that dream of learning how to unicycle. And that's just me... Who knows how many dreams have been left floating aimlessly all over the world, waiting to be turned into "I seen it with my own eyes" realities!

In honor of those unrequited dreams, I promise you a promise: If I don't get accepted into graduate school, I will take it as a sign to rekindle this dream. WE WILL BUILD THE LONGEST PAPER CLIP CHAIN IN 24 HOURS.

Now, who's with me?

Great news.

This just in, from CNBC:

Despite Shark Attacks, Egypt Tourism Will Grow: Minister

Egypt is on track to meet its tourism growth targets despite a scare following a rare series of shark attacks that affected bookings, the country’s Minister of Tourism, Zoheir Garranah, told CNBC.

Half of the beaches at the popular Red Sea resort of Sharm El-Sheikh are now open again after shark attacks that killed one and injured four had alarmed even the scientific community.

I'm very happy for the motherland and all, but is this really a smart move? The last thing we need is to be accused of Aquatic Terrorism. And personally, any nice feelings I ever had towards sharks were erased after watching people being torn limb from limb on Shark Week. But regardless of my own fears of Jaws and his many toothed cousins, did the Minister not learn anything from Finding Nemo? There are some important educational messages in there about what happens when you underestimate a shark.

Remember Bruce? The Australian shark with good intentions?

He tried and tried to believe that fish are friends, not food. Dory and Nemo were convinced that he was a changed man. And I think you know how that turned out.

Perthpective

So you've just found out that you lost your job. Or that your car was stolen. Or that your sister has secretly been using your tooth brush for the cat. Or, after 22 years of life, you just found out that you have a selective lisp.

Yea, I thought so. But you're not just mad.

And possibly sad. Probably not glad. But perthpective (also known as The Big Picture) is an amazing thing. It assures you that no matter how bad your life gets, it could always be worse. And, as cold hearted as this sounds, there will always be someone whose life sucks more.

For instance, you could have really bad teeth, like that guy who played that guy in the movie that no one cares about anymore (or the British, or Hilary Duff):

Or, you could be diagnosed with Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks (yes, it exists)- or some other highly dangerous phobia that would keep you from living a normal life.

Or, you could be the person who posted this on fmylife.com on October 13, 2008:

"Today, I woke up, switched on the TV, and the first thing I saw is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me.I am now afraid to leave my house. FML"

Or, you could have your entire body engulfed in facial hair:

Or, your name could be Debra Jackson:

Or, you could be Kathy Griffin. That woman gives me the heeby jeebies.

But you are none of those things! (unless you are, for which I am truly sorry) So rejoice. Go forth and frolic in rainbow covered meadows. Be happy and thank God that you are not Kathy Griffin.

My spreading of good cheer quota is now filled for the day. Thank you to all, and to all a good night.

[meme cred: annie tran]

Wise quotes for the ages

My parents are very wise people. Ask anyone, and they will tell you that they are full of insightful and inspirational quotes pertaining to just about every area of life. One of my father's most infamous quotes came right before my younger sister left for college*:

"Sarah, listen to me. If you do drugs, you do alcohol. If you do alcohol, you do sex. Then you die."

Today, he used a similar format to describe the evils of texting (my sister did 35 pages worth of texting last month, and he's not too happy about this):

"Sarah, listen to me. You get addicted to texting, then you get addicted to drugs. You get addicted to drugs, then you get addicted to alcohol."

I assume this scenario can be applied to any situation at any given time. Go ahead, give it a try! You might be surprised with how much it improves your life.

And that, my friends, it what it feels like to be enlightened. You're welcome.

*Note: all quotes to be read in heavy egyptian accent.

Lean on me

What do girdles, head gear, and Microsoft online solution centers have in common?
If you are thinking that they are all painful institutions created to inflict torture, you would be partially correct. But I'm talking about Support.
For reasons unbeknownst to me, I am training for a 5k coming up at the end of January in the gnarly city of Santa Cruz. Just another hodad on the boardwalk. But seeing as it is my first physical endeavor of the sort, I turned to my pal Annie, a seasoned athlete, for support.
The conversation went like this:

me: i heard earl grey has a nice taste

btw

9:21 AM im training for a marathon!

annita: are you?

me: on jan 29

annita: wait

the marathon is ON jan 29th?

how long have you been training

me: a day

2 days

scratch that

its been 3 days

annita: you're lying arent you

9:22 AM me: nope

its the truth

annita: i'm very proud shereen!

but a month isn't alot of training

9:23 AM me: lol i know

its not a big one

only like 5k i think

9:24 AM annita: wait

that's not a marathon shereen....

9:25 AM me: are we splitting hairs now

ok im taking a walk around my neighborhood

but im calling it a marathon

9:26 AM annita: cool i'm going to partake in the kentucky derby

but instead of a horse it's my legs

and instead of a track, it's around the mall

me: awesome

9:27 AM let me know how seabiscuit is doing

and by seabiscuit i mean the mall security guard

Now, she's no Bill Withers, but I've learned that every friend is supportive in their own way. Some friends pat you on the back, others make you pie (none of my friends make me pie, but I assume they exist), and still others make sarcastic metaphors to show their support and keep you grounded. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Here's to friends! And to all of your other loyal supporters.

other kinds of support: Financial Support